Im so angry today!!!
So today was a really crazy day. Right now my forehead has 2 big creases in between my eye brows from being angry. I have been through so much in my life. I have nothing-absolutely nothing to be angry about!
Why is that?
5:00am: Alarm goes off because Kaila needs to have labs drawn. The lab opens at 6:30am
5:35: Shower done, head downstairs to pack Kaila’s lunch for the day and be sure I put her ipad in her back pack. Back pack in the front seat of my car, along with her shoes. Because Kaila’s behavior has change, I have to put her shoes in the front, as well as her backpack. She will go in her bag and take her lunch out, eat it, throw it, throw her ipad in the back…. Occasionally, take her shoes off, throw them, take off her jacket, shove it in her backpack. List goes on and on of endless possibilities. Are you feelin’ me?
5:40: Packing done. Time to wakey wakey Kaila girl. She gets up. Whew thanks Jesus, thankfully no ileostomy explosions this morning.
5:45: After taking Kaila to the restroom, and wiping her bottom (sorry details are necessary to tell the story right?), I brush her teeth, help her rinse, wipe her mouth.
5:50: Now time to change her clothes. “Wait right there Kaila” I search her already crazy room for underwear and something warm and cozy to wear. Checked the weather and it says high of 63, brrr. I locate clean folded clothes amongst the 4 laundry baskets of clean clothes (hey they are clean at least!) A thermal henley, a warm vest hoodie sweater, my old yoga pants because the folder over waist works well with her ileostomy, clean undies and clean socks.
6:00: Back to the room to kiss Kaui and my husband good bye. Feeling guilty my husband has to get the 2 little guys off to school and ready. The day before he had a biopsy to test for prostate cancer.
6:05. Downstairs to warm up my green tea, load up Kaila in the car.
6:10: Ay! Move my husbands car for parking behind me.
6:12: Off to Scripps
6:21: Arrive at scripps, yes! only 3 people in front of us. Get our pager and have a seat. Kaila immediately goes to sit and does her usual examination of reading material. Not so much to read but to steal.
6:40: Pager goes off. Lab Tech seats Kaila and straps latex around her arm. No vein there. Switches to other arm. Kaila resists her. Another tech comes in to help. Thank goodness they are both filipino. Kaila’s more culturally biased if they are filipino. Ha!
6:45: We are then moved to another room with a wider chair so I can sit next to Kaila to help hold her down.
6:50: Strapped in the butterfly needle goes in. Thankfully the blood starts to flow and Kaila begins to relax. She knows the worst part is over. She starts to giggle.
7:00: 5 vials of blood later, next comes the pee cup. Oh gosh. She just peed an hour ago. Dunno if she will go, cross fingers and pray she pees! Pee in a cup success! Yay Kaila baby!! Giggle giggle in the bathroom.
7:08: Success we are back in the car, text from teacher needing money for her bus pass. Swing by the bank, then to get breakfast for kaila. Gas only 8 miles left. Stop to get gas.
7:21 Arrive at school. Chat with teacher and get Kaila settled.
7:40. Cool I have time to go home and put some make up in my beat up tired face.
7:55: Home to my sweet doggies, let’s go outside, who wants a treat? Tonka rushes outside for a treat. Meeka’s not playing my game. Husband texts me 6 times. Telling me he’s dropping kids to school.
8:00. Eye brows done. Some powder, chapstick. I am good for the gym. Oops cleaning lady coming today. Unlock the dead bolt. Grab a protien bar for post workout. Grab a water bottle.
8:15: Out the door
8:20: Last minute texts to hubby updating him on my morning. He couldn’t find Kaui’s folder. Um, same place as last night? Duh! He says. Sheesh!!
8:25. In the gym I go to workout with Christine and our trainer AJ. I switch out my UGG boots to my KSwiss, and head for the treadmill to warm up.
8:30-9:30: AJ begins with dymanic stretching, high knees and whatever he could to jerk around with Christine’s imbalances. First up tire drags, tire battles, rings I’s and T’s. Next kettle bell swings, leg lifts, hammer swings, bicep curls, tricep presses, shoulder blade pulls. Workout done! In car, shoving a protien bar in my mouth.
10:00: Head home to check the dogs and grab my Art Corp book. Checking emails and deleting emails
10:15: Arrive at school stop to use the bathroom. Go to ART corp room for prep. Mission: cutting 11×17 paper… 33 to be exact, 28 students plus me, plus extras, plus 33 warm up paper strips, pack the cart with newspaper, sponges, brushes, water cups, paint cups, paint, paper towels, paper plates, wipes, art samples, visual aids. Now to draw 6 numbered sections onto the paper plates to be used as paint palettes. Ugh!
11:20: Head back to office to sign Kai out for his Orthodontist appt. In the meantime, I am calling for last minute hay bale rentals for our neighborhood holiday party for 200 people this Sunday. No we don’t deliver that far. No we don’t have that many bales. No we don’t rent bales. No no and no!!!! Ugh!!! Giving up now try later.
11:25: Walk to Kai’s class to drop off Art supplies and pick up Kai.
11:30: Off to orthodontist, and chat to Kai about his day. He says nothing out of the ordinary.
11:45 Check in at ortho for his 12:00 appt.
12:24 Kai is still sitting in the chair. Half the office is gone. I ask whats going on, they said “Oh. We will get to him next”. I gently reminded them his appt was at 12:00. “Sorry, We had an emergency so we are a bit behind” hmmm that information may have been useful 24 minutes ago. Ugh! They finally get to us and the doctor tells his assistant what to do then leads me upfront to schedule Kai’s next appt. Check phone see text and missed call from my friend Andrea. Told her I would call her when I got settled at next stop.
12:40: Off to Rubio’s to feed my 8 year old who eats like a man. (did I mention I am still in workout clothes since 5am?)
12:50: Off to school to get Kaui from cheerleading. When we arrive we ate in the car. We were both starving! Then got out to get Kaui from her class. Finally have a minute to call my friend Andrea back. She’s been absent from the gym from back issues and was happy to hear she finally went to see a chiropractor. We talked about her misbehaved doggie and then I had to get back in the car. Said a quick love ya girl and I was a taxi driver again.
1:40: Kaui finishes and insists to tell me to watch her on the playground. “Ok 5 minites baby
1:46: arrive outside house bus is waiting there with Kaila. Just in the nick of time. Pull over. Get Kaila off bus. Back in the car. Open our gated neighborhood. Pull in garage. In house.
1:50: Feed girls their meals from Rubio’s. Put dogs out. Phone is dead. Charge phone
2:00: Kai starts math homework. I get Kauis homework ready for after she finishes her afternoon meal.
2:10: Kai asks for help with homework. I try to explain to him. He gets impatient. I told him I was trying to help. He demands an answer. I say no. He says yes. All hell breaks loose. Kaui starts math homework. Shes counting dots and assignment is number line. Turns out daddy showed her the night before to use dots. Ummm. Daddy didnt read the assignment. Great! Retrain. Not having it. All kids are a mess. Dogs start wrestling. No I am losing control. Kaila in garage. Throwing shoes in my car. Kai crying because his braces hurt. Kaui crying because shes in time out from not trying to do her homework correctly. Now Kai is in time out for watching you tube videos instead of doing his writing assignment. He still didn’t finish his math and show his work.
2:40. Rob gets home. He tries to help. He has no clue. Asks me. I point to Kaui’s homework sheet. He says I don’t know. Its on the fridge every day. He starts counting dots. I told them no! Its Number Line!!!! Read the sheet!! What sheet?? Oh my gosh!!! My hands are wet. Im washing dishes. The sheet in the fridge. Deer in headlights. Im slowly starting to lose it.
2:50: I realize I need to go upstairs and just get away for 5 minutes. Im freezing. I get under the blankets and start blogging. Writing this helps me figure out my thought process.
3:30: Still in bed. Exhaustion sets in. Needing to close my eyes. Then Rob comes upstairs to check on me. Nap over he doesnt know password for Kaui’s reading app. Its on fridge. Oh. I texted him the password. Nope its not on fridge. Must have disappeared like the homework sheet. Email her teacher. I was off by one digit on the password.
4:00: I could hear kids playing downstairs. Hmmm wonder if they finished. I could hear Kaila in the garage. Her usual listening to the ipod dock. In and out the door.
4:30: Time to get Kai to baseball practice. Rob loads up the car. Rob has the kids because I have to work at 5:30.
5:00. Leave to work and teach a circuit class at Sony. After wracking my brain and sucking it up I pushed the class through an hour of torture. I feel I am most motivated when I am angry.
6:30 Class done. I am sweating. I am freezing. I am hungry. I am tired. I am borderline manic.
6:45. After cleaning up and signing out. I decide to go to Jimbo’s as I need a fresh squeezed juice. I get Kaila one too.
7:10. Arrive at home. My juice is already gone. I am flustered. Trying to get energy. My body is not having it. I collapse on the couch.
8:00: After catching up on our DVR for a bit I literally feel like I can’t move. I patiently wait while Kaila finishes her beet juice. I am dreading the fact that I still know I have to change Kaila’s ileostomy. NOTE: I am still in my workout clothes since 5am.
8:15: I finally conjur up the strength and peel myself off the couch. “Come on Kaila baby!” She skips upstairs with me. Without words I know she is happy she is going to take a shower and change her ileostomy. I start to gather her supplies and pajamas and we head to my room.
8:25: Kaila is swaying back and forth as I am washing her hair singing “Stupid Boy”
Next came her loud laughs. I am loving it so I realize the more I sing the more she laughs and sings with me. “You can’t fence that in, Stupid Boooooy, it’s like holding back the wind, she lead her heart and soul right in your hands…Stupid Boy!”
8:35: I quickly get dressed and prep Kaila’s bag, get her dressed and then we head to her room. I change her sheets and blankets. I then give her a water bottle to drink.
8:45 She sips quickly and smiles as she lays down. I know she is happy and content. Fresh bag. Fresh sheets. I kiss her good night. “Ga-GaGa night” stress of the day slowly melts away.
9:00. I am finally crawling into bed, sore, exhausted, amd beating myself up because I was so frustrated from constantly going all day. I may not have a 9-5 “job” but it is definitely just as demanding.
9:15 Thoughts fill my head and know I need to write about my day, put things in perspective. Help calm me down for a good nights sleep. I take these moments to thank God for the things I humanly forget. I realize I need to be thankful.
9:30. I am laying down. My sweet husband grabs me some water and tells me he loves me. I tell him the same and we kiss.
9:45 Both exhausted from our days. We laugh a little about how we are both going to conquer a full Ironman race next season. He plays his game. I blog. And we sleep.
Just writing about a day like this helps me realize I have NOTHING to be angry about. But through the day its hard to realize as I am so engulfed in trying to fight exhaustion. I am human. I am a sinner. I feel stupid. I feel selfish. Thank God he always gives me these angels in my life to keep me grounded. “Seek and you shall find”